Grief
by smokeandfangs
Summary: Pam is forced to go through the 5 stages of grief as she begins to lose Tara to the exposure of Hep V. (Pam/Tara)


**TITLE:** Grief

**RATING:** T for language and brief depictions of violence and intimacy. (May be revised later)

**PAIRING:** Pam/Tara (Vampire Pam/Vampire Tara)

**SYNOPSIS:** Pam deals with the stages of grief as she begins to lose Tara to the exposure of Hep V.

**DISCLAIMER:** True Blood, its characters, etc. do not belong to me.

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**Prologue**

_Blood_. A word that had defined the existence of the vampire race, had suddenly turned into the definition of the one thing that could end it. As of recent, Hep V had been added to almost every container sold of Tru Blood, and soon after that humans' blood streams had been filled with the substance, as recommended by the government. All around, vampires of Bon Temps were dropping like flies. Or more like melting into simmering black goo. All vampires who, luckily, had not been exposed to the Hep V, had been warned. To the best of their control, they had stayed far away from anything involving the word Blood. The irony and pure torture of it all was enough to drive most Vampire's to the True death, or just to complete insanity. _Tara_, being one of them.

It had started 2 weeks after Pam, Tara, and Eric had escaped from the camp where they had been meant to meet the suns rays. They'd ran so quickly, they hadn't even realized where they'd ran off to. Before their feet could stop moving, they'd ended up in an old, abandoned victorian house in the back woods of New York. They were hidden by the darkness of the wood, and felt safe enough to begin their fast. Not feeding. Avoiding any sign of the human race.

Eric, being the eldest vampire of the 3, found it easier to control his hunger. Although, being as he'd lost Nora to Hep V, he hadn't had much hunger or fight left in him to begin with. He mostly spent his days in his room, doing god knows what. Pam didn't want to know. It only caused her twinges of pain to think of Eric upset. She herself, had found it not easy, but manageable to ignore her hunger, until some sort of alternative to the Hep V infested blood was available. But Tara, not even a year old vampire, had no sense of control over her hunger. There wasn't a moment where Pam had to stop the poor girl from growling and screaming in pain, blood pouring from her eyes as she begged for the chance to feed. The hunger becoming too much.

Somehow Pam always found ways to bring the hysteric vampire, back down to calmness. Her maker instincts had grown stronger, and most nights she found herself lying next to Tara, cradling the shivering girl as she tried to fight the hunger that was taking over her. Pam wasn't one to empathize with anyone, but Tara was different. She was hers. A piece of her. She could feel the girls pain, the girls agony. And with each day it took a toll on not only Tara, but Pam. Worst of all Pam didn't even have Eric to confide in. Although he'd saved their lives, he had yet to even acknowledge them. Pam didn't dare ask him for help, seeing as he was too numb from the loss of his sister to even respond to any form of physical or verbal communication.

So, for weeks, Pam dealt with Tara on her own. Both vampires, growing weaker from the constant battle of Tara fighting against her own hunger, and Pam fighting to keep Tara strong. Pam had to will herself not to give up. She was used to going through matters on her own, but with her maker, and even her own prodginee alongside her, she'd expected to have someone to at least lean on every now and then. Even if it was only for a second that she allowed herself to let go of the warrior front she wore for everyone. She even considered calling one of the vampires back in Bon Temps, see how things were holding up back home. See if things were safe. However, she was too afraid that she'd hear the news of another vampire she'd known lost. Jessica or god forbid, Willa. Not that she chose to care, but unfortunately she had a bond with Willa due to Eric's spur of the moment decision to turn the governors daughter. The two shared a maker, and she assumed if Willa was with the three some she would confide in her.

It wasn't until Eric suddenly appeared from behind the shut door of his room, that Pam even had a glimmer of hope return to her body. His eyes only traced the room in a Zombie like state, and Pam had thought she was losing him all over again. But eventually, his eyes focused on her.

"I am sorry to have neglected you these past 3 weeks..." Eric said, no louder than a whisper. "I will not let you down, as I have let-" he stopped short in his words. "-I will not let you down." He finished, not able to even speak Nora's name. Assuming that's who he meant he'd let down. Pam gave him a soft smile and understanding nod, hesitating before walking over to him.

"It's about damn time." she breathed out, placing a hand on his face. He flinched at her touch, before sighing into it and closing his eyes. "We will survive this Eric."

His eyes lifted to look into hers. Although he'd released her, their bond still existed. Just a look could say so much more than words. Eric didn't smile, but the emotions in his eyes told her he appreciated being the one taken care of for the moment. "We always do." He took her hand in his, placing a soft kiss in her palm and placing her hand back to her side. "Where's Tara?"

"Locked away in her room. She said she needed to be alone," Pam smirked. "She takes after her grandfather."

Eric squinted over Pam's shoulder. "I do hate it when you use that word." He raised his eye brows, questioning if Pam realized that she made him uncomfortable with that reminder.

Pam was mid-way through a laugh when a window was heard being shattered. Her hair flew over her shoulder as she turned in the direction of Tara's room. "Tara!?" She called, speeding over to the door and twisting the door knob, only to remember it was locked.

Eric was already by her side when she backed away from the door, kicking it in. The old wood snapped as her heel made contact, and revealed Tara's darkened room to be empty. The bed sheets tussled, and the window curtain flapping up and down from the wind. Their was glass on the window sill, and it didn't take long for Pam to put two and two together. Tara had left to feed. New York had grown famous for thriving in human survival due to Hep V exposure to vamps. If Tara fed on anyone in New York, she was either killed from exposure, or killed by a guard.

Her heart racing, and blood rimming her eyes, Pam stumbled backwards into Eric. "We have to find her!" she quickly sped around Eric towards the front door. He wasn't far behind her when he was already explaining the complications of the situation. Pam didn't hesitate to cut him off, shouting. "Eric! I know her! I can feel her! She's going to do something stupid! You didn't see the look in her eyes. You didn't see what the hunger did to her! She's going to lose it!" Eric simply stared at Pam, wide eyed, mouth propped open not knowing what to say. "I'm not losing her!"

Eric had never seen Pam react so hysterically with anyone. He'd never seen her care as much for someone else other than him, as she did right in that moment. So with a lick of his lips, he'd lowered his head in a nod. "I understand." He'd stated, as he realized he couldn't watch Pam go through what he did losing Nora, with Tara. He had to help. "Let's go, we can't waste anymore time."

With that the two had left the house, speeding in the direction that Pam's connection with Tara had led them to. It didn't take them long to find her, Tara's scent being the only thing on Pam's radar. However, when they found Tara in the heart of the city, in a back alley, blood surrounding her shaking lips, and dripping from her eyes, they knew it was too late. Even in the darkness, Tara's skin had grown paler, and Pam and Eric could already see the black veins beginning to show through Tara's skin. She had been exposed to the Hep V, and with that knowledge Pam felt her heart drop to the pit of her stomach. Eric only turned his back to the pair, anger boiling inside him that he was soon to lose yet another family member. Pam froze where she stood, willing herself not to cry as her hands shook at her sides, and her mind screamed in agony.

"I'm sorry," Tara let out a watery sob. "I was just," she heaved. "I was just so hungry, I couldn't-" Tara's voice was taken over by her cries, as she began to fall to her knees.

Pam didn't think, she only moved, as she caught Tara in her arms, and they both began to slide to the ground.

"I know baby," Pam's voice cracked. "I know." She soothed, closed her eyes as she let silent tears fall, her chin resting upon Tara's head.

Tara wrapped her arms around Pam's waist collapsing in her arms. "I can feel it in me." Tara's voice shook as the tears poured from her. "I'm gonna die, aren't I?" she sobbed. "Oh my god, I'm gonna die.." Tara could no longer speak after that realization hit her her and she broke down in more tears, her body trembling so much it was beginning to be hard for Pam to hold her.

"Shh..." Pam squeezed her eyes shut, crying then. "You'll be alright." She placed a kiss atop Tara's head, as they rocked back and forth on the ground.

Eric ran his hand over his mouth then, sniffing, before turning back around and facing Pam and Tara, the scene making his own knees grow weak in pain.

Pam slowly lifted her eyes to him, the loss of hope evident in her eyes. Eric cleared his throat thinking of the only person he could think of. Tara seemed desperate enough to live, to accept the blood of Lilith. Even if she wasn't, he was sure Pam could convince her to have the dying wish to drink it. It didn't work for Nora, but again, he had to try. He had to do something to try and save Tara. He couldn't watch Pam go through the grief of losing her. So without another thought, he numbly sulked over to the pair, squatting down to their level and placing a hand on Tara's face, wiping a bloody tear. Pam glanced down at his hand, watching his every move.

He then lifted his eyes to Pam. "Pick her up... We have to take her to Bill."

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**A/N: **Let me just start by saying, this is my first ever fanfiction, so please excuse if it's terrible. I have already written most of the chapters but I'm not sure if I should update until I get at least a few reviews so I know people are interested. I hope you enjoyed this and feel free to follow or fav to keep updated when the next chapter will be up.


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